LadySeshiiria

Feel free to ignore. I'm venting my frustrations, and trying to figure out somethings. I'm trying to find out who I am as a person still. Part of trauma recovery...

So I signed up for a free class on designing fabric for Spoonflower. And learned about passive income. If you have experience on there will you let me know how you like it or not. Thank you.

CSP has some neat stuff in it I've been playing around with. Mirroring images and the like. Grids, rulers, etc... I'm not sure what I'm going to do in my life. I've let dreams die. The last little bit especially learning to let go. But then had access to something like this and... I'm feeling very... conflicted. Especially since I had previously thrown in the towel on costuming and or tossing out the Festival. I feel teased a lot by life and strung along. Stuff is literally being tossed at me, so many blessings from art supplies to sewing supplies and craft supplies. I'm feeling pressure to monetize my craft again. But I'm still in this mindset of developing consistency and repairing my mental health. Getting more consistent btw. Doing well here.

I stopped staying up late. Started waking up early again. That's been a good change.

I have too many things I'm good at... designing and being creative in multiple ways. Never really having "art block" in that traditional way. (Having no ideas.) Art block for me if it is called that is having ideas but mental health getting in the way. So the last bit since my hand injury has been me working on myself and working strength back in. But I'm also avoiding art currently due to that injury.aking me gun shy... I'm struggling there.

So currently, we've had to pull our son from public school. He's home right now. We can't afford private school. He'll have to be home schooled. Our problem wasn't the agenda or political reasons, it's out here worse than that... It's a lack of teachers, funding, and infrastructure. Children with disabilities are being left behind. My son was only allowed 2 hours of school a day. It's all they could handle. We we're supposed to slowly integrate him full day but 2 years... later nothing changes. When we asked our son what he learned at school, he complained about school being boring, and playing video games there. So he's been complaining about being shoved in a corner... It makes me furious...

We never get a break, no one will sit for us. Not even family. We have no support system and are crawling all over each other in our small apartment and what break we did get with school was a detriment to our son. It worsens out situation and our need for mental health (space) that our therapist's are so desperate to get us to do. But when you've reached out time and time again to be flaked on or told no, you end up with long living burn out. I'm not sure how I'm going to balance this but I need to start doing something.

I'm at a loss laws have been changed regarding disability which will actually just hurt us more. And keep us in an even worse poverty trap. My husband is debating after being screwed by the system if it's even worth it. His health (heart from covid shot) is messed up, his mental health and traumatic brain injury, and his own trauma from abuse makes it hard for him to be stable in a job.

After our son was diagnosed they told us he needed to be on disability...

The system is broken and collapsing. By the time we get my husband or son on it will be in vain...

I have my own disabilities which my son inherited from me... but I'm still able bodied. I am in a stuck position where I have to play bread winner, wife, mother, teacher, house keeper. I'm burning out. My mental health is poor and I do not have the capacity to be a CEO mom. My husband is going to try to teach our son math, history, science since that's where he's skilled at. Wee going to try to split it up between us.

I'm depressed despite pushing myself everyday.

I'm losing hope on getting out of this situation. I'm not sure what to do. If I go back to work full time. It places us in an even worse position that we are in. Full time employment doesn't even pay my rent. We lose stamps and medical too because everyone in town "offers insurance" lol no they don't, only if you're management. The system around her is poorly managed. Contrary to what you see online minimum wage is still $7.25 here where I live. And that's mostly all there is around here. Is retail and fast food.

So how do I fix this? I'm working on a plan but I'm not sure if it'll work. Looking for work despite it possibly f###ing us even more. It did last time I tried to go back to work... That's the trick finding something the pays well enough to get you out of the poverty trap...

If I did a rainbow monochrome challenge, and I've been bouncing the idea around for years.

Monochromatic meaning one color per image.

❤️🧡💛💚💙💜💗🤍🤎🖤 With themes, how many would like to see it? I'm not doing this for pride month btw this would just be it's separate independent thing. I know with the timing a lot of people might mistake it for that but that's not the goal. I just want to do this for gradient practice.

I'm thinking themes like:

7 Deadly Sins

7 Heavenly Virtues

Color Coded Character Art (personality color code)

Themes for Couples (Friends, Lovers, etc...)

Etc.. this kind of thing.

Thinking also about playing with analogous color schemes too. Color theory practice.

❤️🧡💛

💚💙💜

🧡💛💚

💛💚💙

💜❤️🧡

Idk thoughts?

I hope everyone is well. It's been rough. We all got sick and then I got sick again. It's just been a constant. Lol but thankfully this is being treated with antibiotics and I'm able to do things so I'm all good.

Since I've been on break. I've cleaned my house top to bottom, had nothing better to do. Did one of those deep cleans, donations to many places with toys, clothing, etc, things people or children actually need, I got rid of some things that were part of my past that I was told to hang onto. A $350 prom dress that just sat in my closet was donated to a place that will use the money for homeless families, domestic violence, and children in poverty. I'm ok with it it's part of my life I don't like remembering. But at the same time constantly processing, it's a double edged thing... I'll just say this a character is based on this part of my life, and the get killed in narrative, because it's a symbolic burial. The when writing what you know, situations, and emotions you can relate to is I guess what a lot of readers like, but is also a great way to process, even if the situations aren't completely the same.

Since then, I finished my covid quilt project, and a few other sewing projects that didn't require me to use certain portion of my hand. I learned to knit a few more stitches, learned a crochet stitch, and have been cleaning and decluttering my Pinterest so I can more efficiently and effectively use it for references, and my writing stuff.

I built a whole color palette board but it's set to private currently because it's still a wip. I might open it up for use for others later.

I have dozens of projects on my computer that are half finished that we're in progress before my injury. I'm probably going to start working on those sometime this year again.

Until then there is some apprehensive feeling in restarting my work due to the state of my neck and my hand and wrist. I still have a long road of recovery and it's possible I have the beginning of carpal tunnel. I'm pissed off about it because I e not done anything so long or too the point of hurting myself on a constant basis. When my hands hurt I took breaks, and usually before that. It I guess just takes once. But doesn't help that I have other underlying issues like scoliosis which throws off body mechanics. Other injuries like my knees and ankles from exercise are being affected by it too not just the c section diastasis recti issues.

Covid and constantly being injured has made losing weight a painfully slow process. But I have been getting stronger, and hurting less in some areas. So that's good. I need to work on body mechanics.

What I want to do is continue finishing my sketch portraits for all my characters. At the minimum and maybe work on my figure drawing and male anatomy this year. I tried to block out a goals list and were 3 months into the year and derailed. I don't like resolutions for this reason but constant goal setting, and reassessment, because it's more realistic, and from everyone that I follow and read this is a much healthier approach because instead of failing and pity party or death spiraling, you just look at what you have done, and congratulate yourself, and keep going after reassess. It's a seudo fail up mindset, and a way to exercise constant adaption, because nothing in life goes to plan, or rarely does. This approach keeps progress going without, quiting, giving up or stagnating.

I hope everyone is doing good. I'll probably try to get a few traditional sketches in to break the ice. Even if my traditional art isn't as good as the digital I still love doing it. And find that is were the majority of my confidence is built.

Hey guys since I can't draw right now how about you guys share your art! All feature everybody who adds a comment before 12:00 tonight Mountain standard Time. ♥️ Art verse artists are welcome, your year in art 2021s are welcome as well, if you can't grid no worries just show your best piece. Feature your best. We're going to put a cap at two art shares per person. Also sorry about all the typo errors I am on speech to text.

So now that I'm in a brace, and I can't draw, life has seen it fit to taunt me or something... ???I'm on like 3 commission asks in the last 2 weeks, all of which I had to decline. Today I got sexually harassed (cyber flashed) in IG dm's for declining to do the work, potentially by a minor.. That wouldn't get the hint. Couldn't take no for an answer. Entitlement etc... So I am concerned, he doesn't take no for answer, doesn't realize the person he is asking for a commission can't replicate the quality he was asking for in his examples, etc... I stated a potential average price for the quality he was looking for, gave him links to educate himself on commissioning so that he wouldn't get scammed, etc... And I got a picture of an erect ***** it got reported for solicitation along with his profile blocked. I was like wtf, I'm not a pedo, and he's like I don't care. Then I'm like I'm married. He's like I don't care... I cussed him out.... How on earth do minors think its okay to trade sex for art? That is illegal. Not to mention all of the other issues and wtf's that go with that. Obviously someone isn't okay in the head. I know there is the possibility that it was a troll, but people don't put that much effort into asking for commissions and have a detailed idea of what they are looking for unless they are serious. Right? It it a possible revenge flash? Or some sick kid out there harassing people?

In any case that triggered my ptsd....

IF that is what I have to put up with for commission/client interaction. I'm highly considering not doing them.

Has this happened to anyone here?

I feel dirty.